Before we jump on to the main story…
Hey, guys! You warm the cockles of my heart. Thank you for all your support. I love you.
Log Line: Super cute Kaz Miles moves to the bustling city of Edmonton with NOTHING but dreams. No impressive work history, not enough money, no place to stay at… neither… brains for love and relationships! To make her idiosyncrasies even worse, she meets the beautiful, shrewd, principled — and — ‘super straight’ Jane Randall who becomes her roommate, self-proclaimed mentor, love guiding light, and… FANTASY!
Warning: Crude Humor/Language
I flop my luggage next to me and approach the front desk. The two clerks, a man and a woman in their twenties, are both in a jovial mood, making fun of each other. “O evil you!” the young man says.
“And I’m not going out with you anyways, you moron!” the young woman replies.
“Hello,” the young man says to me. “Checking out, miss?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Um, that ‘O evil you’ thing. Someone has told me that before.”
“Oh,” the young woman butts in, “I hope not someone like him though.”
“Nope,” I say. “Definitely not. So is that, uh, like, a new expression or something?”
“It’s an anagram for ‘I love you’,” he says.
And… suddenly… there’s a heavenly stirring action prancing inside my luminous pupils… Angels descend from the magical clouds to rescue the elephant and the snow leopard at once… to get them to their climactic spot… and keep them there… together…
… to live in their own sparks of happily ever after.
“Edmonton, please,” I say to the ticket lady at the bus terminal.
“That’s a long way,” she says. “Why can’t you just fly instead? It only takes like… four hours, maybe?”
“I’m scared to fly, so…”
“I was scared to fly, too. But you know how I got over it?”
“I would watch my favorite movie over and over again on the plane.”
“And what’s your favorite movie?” If it’s the same one as mine and Jane’s… then it would be… a sign!
“’Sleepless In Seattle’,” she casually says.
Oh. My. God.
“I just asked myself,” she rambles on, “‘if Annie could fly from one end to the other end of the country out of her undying love for the man that she had never even met yet, why couldn’t I? I mean, why couldn’t I make a complete fool out of myself like that, you know? So then I would get on a plane and pretend that I would meet my one and only love in my destination… Though I’d already found him. And I married the asshole a decade ago, by the way.”
“I’m still taking the bus, lady,” I say, amused. “And no Annie nor Lucy would make me fly regardless.”
“Who’s Lucy?” she says.
“Just get me those tickets, please?”
“Your first bus leaves in six hours.”
“May I please get…” I say to the coffee kiosk lady, “… a large double-double?”
“Make it two, please?” a familiar voice hits through from a close distance.
“Oh my God.” I turn and see…
… Jane… in full flesh… in full beautiful flesh… standing before me!
She smiles. “Hello.”
I blush. “Hello… How did you…?”
“I stalked you,” she giggles.
“From the hotel?”
“Well, the red-head gay-dar told me you were heading back to Edmonton today, and according to your clock, as I remembered, your check out time would be noon… so I… figured you’d be here by now.”
“Two large double-doubles!” the coffee kiosk lady hands us our order.
“Thank you,” Jane says and hands her a 5-dollar bill, then smiles at me. “So what’s your plan?”
“I, uh,” I say, “well, I’ve already got the tickets, and I’ll just come back by the time I’ve already got… you know… my egos going.”
“Sounds convincing,” she says. “What time is your first bus?”
“In six hours,” I say and sip my coffee.
“Would you wanna get out of here for a bit?”
“Where are we going?”
Jane and I drive away from the bus terminal. “I’ll introduce you to my mom and my nephew,” she says. “How’s that?”
“I’d love to meet them, for sure,” I holler.
“And how’s your memory coming along?”
“Like… luminous pupils.”
She laughs. “How’s your elephant?”
“Waiting for the snow leopard to arrive at the climactic spot,” I giggle.
“And for how long will you keep the cat barking?”
“For as long as… the world celebrates Christmas and Valentine’s Day… So… are you still… huffy?”
And we share a charming laugh.
We arrive at a middle-class house with an ample garage. “Wow,” I say, getting out of the car. “This is where you grew up?”
“Don’t praise it too much,” Jane says, snatching out my luggage from the trunk.
And I, Kaz Miles, want to scream my heart… and deepest soul... out! So here I am… completely paralyzed… as my euphoric tears stream down uncontrollably… from my… luminous pupils!
She stands closer to me and caresses my face. “I told you I’d always take you home with me.”
“O evil you,” I cry.
“Darling!” a delightful woman in her mid-60s appears by the front door.
“My mom,” Jane says. “Her name is Jamie, and she wishes for you to call her… momma…”
I run to meet my soon-to-be-mother-in-law. “Hi!”… And… whoa. I feel my mom’s verve zinging away from her in an instant.
“Oh,” she says, welcoming me with a deep, genuine hug, “you must be Kaz Miles!”
“Yeah,” I say, delighted. “It’s great to have finally met you.”
She takes a good look into my… luminous pupils. “Well… Jane was a… a mess for a while…”
“Mom!” Jane protests. “Jesus.”
“Now I know why,” momma Jamie continues. “Anyways, she couldn’t bring you home yesterday yet… ’cause…”
“‘Cause… what?” I yelp.
They exchange wistful looks.
Jane holds my hand. “Come.” She leads me towards the wide open front door…
I take a sudden pause… Eyes bulging… Marveled… Goosebumps… Such entrancing bliss!
The entire living room is fully adorned with Christmas decors, and there’s even a divine Christmas tree standing in the corner… with its vibrant and colorful lights… glittering on me!
Momma Jamie darts inside the house and grabs a remote control. “Ready?” She presses the button, and… our sweetheart song entertains the air… with… ‘Auld Lang Syne’.
Jane and I look into each other’s eyes… sparkled with happily ever after tears… “Look up,” she says.
And there it is, world. Our mistletoe magic will finally be…
“So now… this is the part when…” I say.
“You finally get to kiss the girl,” she says.
“O evil you,” I moan.
“I love you,” she whispers.
… and here it goes… I’ve finally got to kiss her… The girl who should have never been my fantasy to begin with…
… if only I paid attention and made the move… with genuine intentions… instead of wallowing away!
So what’s wrong with my life?
I’m just a 23-year-old chick… who shares the mistletoe magic…
… with the most beautiful heart in the world.
And my fluffy word?
Her single-word answer?
You already know.
I am home.