Gags of Egos

The Gags of Egos – Part Fourteen

"You don't feel nothing! And you know what that means? You don't deserve an answer!"

Log Line: Super cute Kaz Miles moves to the bustling city of Edmonton with NOTHING but dreams. No impressive work history, not enough money, no place to stay at… neither… brains for love and relationships! To make her idiosyncrasies even worse, she meets the beautiful, shrewd, principled — and — ‘super straight’ Jane Randall who becomes her roommate, self-proclaimed mentor, love guiding light, and… FANTASY!


Genre: Comedy/Drama/Romance/YA

Warning: Crude Humor/Language

Free Lesbian Fiction Online. The Gags of Egos.

Chapter Fourteen

Back home. To God be the glory.

“So what do you wanna do now?” Jane asks, cracking a beer bottle open.

I drop a tea bag into a cup of hot water and sit at the table. “I don’t think I can see her again and drop another lie,” I say.

“Her only dream in the world is to be with you. That’s noble.”

“God, Jane, please, don’t disturb my conscience now.” I take a sip of my hot tea and burn my tongue. “Goddammit!”

She sits across the table and stares at me. “Why did you have to lie to her then?”

“Because I thought that…”… I pause to collect myself… “… since I wouldn’t stand a chance to be with you, and she loved me so much… then I should just move to Calgary to be with someone who could offer me the kind of love that… I hoped to receive from you…”

“And what kind of love would that be?” she says in a provoking tone. As the familiar outrage creeps in. “You mean, chasing you around, rescuing you, cleaning after your shit, listening to your love outbursts, expecting me to get on your bus while you’re still gripping the culprits in hand along for the ride? Is that it? Is that the kind of love you hope to accomplish with me?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I groan. “You wouldn’t love me back anyhow.”

She takes a big gulp of the beer. “See? This is exactly why I don’t wanna blab about our shit anymore ’cause you don’t pay attention!”

“I don’t pay attention?” I lose it. “Can’t you see the desperation wrinkling around my face since the first day? Can’t you?”

The cat’s been barking, and you just don’t hear it!”

“I hear it, all right? Loud and clear! You! Not saying anything back, kicking me to the curb, dismissing…”

“Whoah whoah whoah! Don’t you dare trample me down with your psychotic blows here! Don’t you frickin’ dare!”

“My psychotic blows? I’ll show you what a psychotic blow looks like!”

“I see it all the time, Kaz,” she says. “Even in your goddamn luminous pupils.”

“You haven’t seen this yet.” I press Holly’s number and wait for an answer.

“What are you doing?” Jane anticipates.

Holly picks up the call, and… “Hey, I’m really sorry for splitting and lying,” I spit it out right away, “but I’ve got something very important to tell you right now, and… like, really important. Are you sitting down?… Great. Okay, here it goes. The girl that I’ve told you about is not just some girl. It’s Jane, and she’s changed my life, and you know what’s funny about it? My only dream in the world is to spend the rest of my life with her. Never mind New York city. Never mind whatever else. But I know, all of my psychotic blows know, that she’s the only one who could illuminate my significant ego. And that’s all I wanted to tell you, so… I’m truly deeply sorry for leading you on and stuff… Friends?”

“Goodbye, Kaz,” Holly’s cracking voice burrs into my ear, and she hangs up.

Jane’s face morphs into torment. As I…

… let go of my cell phone and sit in distressing silence.

“And what did you wanna accomplish from that?” she confronts. “Get on the bus with you while you’re still gripping the culprits in hand along for the ride?”

“I’m sick of this culprit talk whisking in already,” I whine. “Why can’t you just get to the point? Do I have the chance or not?”

She luxuriates into her beer and throws the empty bottle into the trash. “I’m going to bed.”

“Just answer my question, Jane!” I aggravate her more.

“You don’t even pay attention! You don’t see shit! You don’t feel nothing! And you know what that means? You don’t deserve an answer!”

“Jane, please!”

“I don’t wanna blast it out again, Kaz. I don’t. I’m done. So done.” She dashes away into her bedroom, and…

Door slamming! Again!

Work shall save my dignity. I just need to avoid the red-head gay-dar’s annoying presence. “Looks like you and the boss have been hitting it off nicely lately?” he says.

“And I’m struggling to make this magazine stand look more presentable,” I say, focusing on my task.

“How was the trip, by the way? Did something interesting happen on the road?”

“Something interesting always happens between us.”

“Now we’re back in business,” he eagerly says.

“You’re a prick,” I reply.

“I think she’s been in love with you though. I mean, I’ve never seen her face look so… you know… crummy. It’s like, she’s super mad about something, and she just can’t wait to burst. That’s huge.”

“Well, that’s not how I see it, sadly enough. I know she’s mad at me over my psychotic blows, but… that’s about it, really.”

“Well, I know love once I see love. That’s for sure… Hey, if you got time after work, we’ll talk. I’ll tell you everything there is to know about that woman.”

“I’m gonna write tonight. And Jane’s cooking. I don’t wanna have dinner without her.”

“Your call, lady. Just let me know when you can sneak out.”

“Well, I don’t normally hang out, so…”

“Do you wanna know or not?” he sounds serious.

“Of course, I do.” Just not through your mouth.

A lovely, smart-looking, middle-aged lady walks in. “Hello,” she says. “I’m here for an interview.”

“Awesome!” the red-head gay-dar says. “Our manager has been waiting for you. Come on.” He leads her into Jane’s office and rushes his way back to me. “Her resume isn’t really that impressive though, but I think she could be a nice asset to the store.”

“Oh, I love her already,” I say.

“Me too,” he says.

After a few minutes, Jane steps out of the office, along with the interviewee. “Meet our new staff, guys,” Jane says. “Miss Tillie.”

“Hi, Miss Tillie,” I say, smiling.

“I’m Seattle,” the red-head gay-dar says, “and this is Kaz.”

“Well,” Miss Tillie says, “I am very pleased to be a part of this beautiful team.”

Jane has made pasta with mushrooms, spinach, and shrimps for dinner. Yummy! “Honey, you’re not in a food race,” she says. “Slow down, for crying out loud.”

“It’s sooo damned good!” I say, with my mouth full.

“Thank you,” she giggles.

Done with my meal in less than five minutes. “I wouldn’t trade that for the world at all,” I say and take a sip of my hot tea. “So when is Miss Tillie gonna start working?”


“Good. Are you still gonna hire more people?”

“Three more.”

“What? Is Serene still keeping the job though?”

“Yes, she is.”

“Then why do you still need to hire three more people for?”

“It’s been busy. And I’m gonna train the red-head gay-dar to do some of my tasks as well. Truth is… he’s been doing some managerial work for quite a while now… but there’s still a lot more that he’s yet to learn, so…”

“Jane, is there something going on?”

“Nothing’s going on,” she says, shifting her eyes back to her food. “I just need to start working on the blog site.”

“That’s why you’re cutting down on work?” I say… as suspicions rack through.

“It’s not only that. I just need to set my priorities, you know? There’s a lot going on in my mind right now, and I must focus on the most important stuff, that’s all.”

“Like what? The blog site?”

“The blog site is just one of them. But not the most important for now, really.”

“Then what is it?”

“Mom called this morning. And she told me that Jessie came back home… with a baby boy…”

“What? I thought Jessie was gay!”

“She is. She intentionally got herself pregnant because that’s what her partner wanted. And then things went out of control during the whole pregnancy process, and they broke up.”

“That’s sad.”

“It’s painful.”

“Where’s Jessie now?”

“She flew back to Vancouver. She loves it there. She’s a waitress and struggling actress. Same pathetic story.”

“What about the baby?”

“Mom’s taking care of him.”

“And where’s your mom?”

“In Halifax.”

“What about your dad?”

“He died years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. So your mom is taking care of the baby all by herself then… Does she work though?”

“She’s a celebrated real-estate agent. She’s doing really well.”

“And you’re okay with her raising the baby alone?”

“My mom actually loves it. She’s got company.”

“Then how come this whole thing affects you so much?”

“I guess I just got overwhelmed by the news, that’s all.”

“Well, look at the bright side. You can slam this story into your blog.”

“Exactly what I had in mind!”

So Jane hires three more people the next day. Doug, a high-school graduate who refuses to work at fast-food restaurants and is determined to do well at the bookstore instead. Riley, a young man with great fascination for all kinds of books, especially those vampire stories. And Bob, a retired carpenter who lives in a senior’s home. I don’t understand Jane’s urgency, but anyway, I love these guys! They’re fun and spirited… and less opinionated.

The red-head gay-dar has been spending more time with Jane in the office, and it has become an everyday event for the rest of the week. He even leads the literacy program, which makes me feel insecure and envious.

“How come you haven’t asked me to do the literacy program yet?” I say as we both set foot in our apartment from work. “You think that I can’t do it?”

“I just want you to focus on your writing a lot more,” she replies.

“I have been working on it pretty well,” I brag, “thank you very much.”

“How many pages have you got so far?” She opens the fridge to figure out what to cook for dinner.

“Seventy-two pages,” I say. “I’m getting there, Jane. I’m making progress.”

“Perfect!” she says. “Would you like to go to Banff with me?”

“Banff? When?” I reply.


“Let’s do it!”

More on Cozy Series

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