Gags of Egos

The Gags of Egos – Part Thirteen

"Do you want me gone?"

Log Line: Super cute Kaz Miles moves to the bustling city of Edmonton with NOTHING but dreams. No impressive work history, not enough money, no place to stay at… neither… brains for love and relationships! To make her idiosyncrasies even worse, she meets the beautiful, shrewd, principled — and — ‘super straight’ Jane Randall who becomes her roommate, self-proclaimed mentor, love guiding light, and… FANTASY!

Goddammit!

Genre: Comedy/Drama/Romance/YA

Warning: Crude Humor/Language


Free Lesbian Fiction Online. The Gags of Egos.

Chapter Thirteen

Jane and I have spent hours at a mall to kill time. Once the clock starts ticking closer to 6 o’clock in the evening, the GPS leads us to the Calgary Tower. We both sit still in the car for a moment and listen to the barrage blaring out of my chest.

“Your chest barrage is one hell of a nerve party,” Jane groans.

“What time is it?” I pull out the framed picture from my backpack.

“You’ve got approximately 5 minutes left.”

“She’s probably up there by now, huh?”

“Yes. Now go.”

I love you.”

She looks away and sighs. “Move it.”

“You’re not even gonna respond to that?” I challenge her.

“Just meet her up there already, and let’s get it over with! Jesus!”

I growl at her and get out of the car. “Okay,” I say. “Here goes another romantic history.”


Admission pay in hand, I’m good to go. Elevator ride, a whole lotta faster than a rocket whooshing up to Mars. DING! I gasp skittishly as I have landed on the top of the Calgary Tower.

Damn it. I gotta act like a normal person whose face is full of wonders and excitement. The observation deck is gorgeous. I saunter around to look for Holly and I can hardly breathe. It’s been months now since we broke up, and I got over her right off the bat since the very first moment I laid my… luminous pupils on Jane.

Now I’m hoping… I’m hoping… that things would change from now on…

“Kaz,” Holly’s voice roars in.

I close my eyes and breathe in, then turn to face her. And… Oh, yes! That same beautiful smile. That ethereal aura. That earnest look. She still wants me after all this time. “Hi,” I stammer.

“I never thought you’d come.”

“What made you think that?”

“I’m sorry. Bad assumption.”

“Well, I’m here.”

“Thank you for coming,” she says, smiling. “This makes me really happy.”

“Oh,” I say, handing her my present, “this is for you.”

“New York city!” She takes her moment to admire the picture. “I love it!”

“That’s my ego,” I say obliviously.

“You’re what?”

“I wanna move to New York city to pursue writing.”

“So what does this present mean then?”

I look at her, then into my heart… while my thoughts are packed with images of Jane and I taking a stroll in Central Park… Or even arguing over trivial matters… Or the way that she takes good care of me… Or…

Stop it! She will never be mine. She can hold my hand forever, but that’s just it. She will only remain as my sole fantasy. And there’s nothing that I can ever do about it. Nothing.

But Holly! She badly wants me! Suddenly, her message scans through my eyes. “I still love you. If you want us to give it another shot, I’ll meet you on the top of the Calgary Tower, Sunday evening at 6 o’clock to celebrate our second-year anniversary.” Regardless, I came to rekindle the relationship. That was the purpose of it all. That was probably one of the fears that bugged me even before this trip. That was already a promise. Now I must face the consequences. Though it’s not the message that I have found in my heart. Because…

Because when I think of Jane… when I think of Jane… I scare the hell out of all my fears. Just like that. My beautiful irony.

“It means I want you to be a part of it,” I say.

“Really?” she says, in tears of joy.

And we fervidly kiss. I have to be in this moment with her as I imagine Jane’s invigorating lips instead.

“I have reserved a table for us here,” she lovingly whispers.

What about Jane? She’s down there in the parking lot, waiting for me!

“Okay,” I say.

It’s a romantic dinner, with wine and delectable food. I keep on fidgeting in my seat as I think of Jane the whole time. I’m even struggling to swallow a piece of asparagus that I have to chase it with Merlot.

“I got the job, by the way,” she says.

“Great,” I say.

“I got me my own apartment too.”

“Fantastic.”

“Would you like to move in with me sometime around next week?” And she has dropped it!

I almost choke on my food. “Can we talk about that later?”

“Okay. No rush.”

“Holly, I’ve already come out to my parents.”

“Really? That’s awesome! How did they react?”

“It was embarrassing, actually. They already knew.”

“They did? How?”

“My dad spotted us making out in my room.”

“Oh my God.”

“I know, right? It’s one of the greatest oh-my-God blasting moments ever.”

“Tell me about it,” she says, disgusted.

“So what are your plans?” I say and take a sip of my wine.

“What do you mean?” she replies, knitting her brows.

“I mean, what do you wanna do with your life?” I say.

“I’m gonna be with you. I’m gonna be working, I’ll take care of you, and perhaps, in time, we can also have kids.”

“Can we not talk about the baby scare department yet? I was asking about you. Just you. What are your goals?”

“Those are my goals,” she declares.

“I mean,” I sigh impatiently, “what’s your ambition? Do you just wanna be stuck waiting tables all your life or do you wanna do photography and make a living out of it somehow or do you wanna take short courses or… What is it that you wanna accomplish for yourself?”

“That’s just my dream. I wanna have a good life with you… With kids and all…”

“That’s what you wanna accomplish in your life?”

“Kaz, I’m not like you, okay? I don’t have talents or anything, and you’ve known that all along. I don’t dream of having a successful name for myself but simply to be with you and raise our little family.”

“So you just wanna wait tables until your hair turns gray.”

“I wanna provide for our family through my own determination. And it doesn’t matter what kind of job it is, as long as I can put food on the table and get us things that we need.”

“Nothing for yourself at all.”

“That’s already for myself.”

“Holly, what would make you proud of yourself?”

“Having a good life with you.”

“That’s it?”

“I can’t think of anything else anymore.”

“There’s gotta be something that you wanna do for yourself.”

“What is the matter with you? You never asked me all these questions before.”

“People change.”

“So you moved to Edmonton, and something in you has changed all of a sudden.”

“Edmonton did not change me. Jane did.”

“Your boss and roommate.”

“Yeah. She’s been teaching me a lot of great things about life.” And love!

“Do you like her?” she asks.

I set my plate aside and sip my wine. “I do. As my boss and roommate.” Yes, I must lie!

“So who’s the girl that you’ve told me about?”

“Oh, it was only a stupid crush. It was nothing.”

“Kaz, are you excited about us being together again?”

“Of course!”

“Then why can’t I see it in your eyes?” The deep sadness in her voice boots me into some serious guilt trip.

“I’m just exhausted from the trip.” I sit back.

“Would you like to spend the night?” she pleads.

“Can’t. I got a return ticket, and I gotta open the bookstore tomorrow morning, so…” Yes, I must lie… Again!

“Let me know when you’re ready to move in, okay?” she assures me.

“I certainly will,” I say, wincing. “My bus leaves in an hour. So… I gotta get going now…”

“I’ll come with you to the bus terminal.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll give you a call once I get home.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

We rise from the table and kiss. “I love you,” she says.

“I…” Does she deserve another lie? I have no choice, but… “I love you too,” I say.

And I walk away.


It’s a relief to find myself in the car with Jane again. “Don’t ask,” I say, sighing.

“That went fast,” Jane says, amused. “So how did it go?”

“Didn’t I just warn you not to ask?”

“You know I’d still ask.”

“Can we just get out of here first, please?” I say, panting.

“Okies,” she says, turning the engines on.

And we drive away at last. “Oh my God,” I holler. “Boy, what a relief!”

“So how did it go?” she teases on.

“Jane, I’m screwed, all right?”

“Hey, take it easy. What are you so mad about?”

“She’s already talking about us having this little family.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Everything!”

“Well, don’t you wanna have a little… family?”

“Not with her! And that’s all she wants to do with her life! Just to be with me! She rambled on about us having babies! Blah blah blah! Already! Already!”

“Would you relax? Jesus.”

“She doesn’t have ambition or anything! She doesn’t care if she grows old waiting tables as long as she raises our ‘little family’! How painful is that?”

“You should have known her better by now.”

“Now… she wants me to move in with her.”

“Told you so.”

“You want me gone, don’t you?”

“Did you scare the hell out of all those fears or what?”

“Do you want me gone?”

“I’m holding your hand.”

“Just answer the goddamn question! Yes or no! Do you want me gone?”

“Whatever works better for you.”

“Answer the question, Jane, please! Do you want me gone?”

“No, I don’t.”


More on Cozy Series

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