Gags of Egos

The Gags of Egos – Part Six

"You're only afraid to fall in love if you're not happy with your life."

Log Line: Super cute Kaz Miles moves to the bustling city of Edmonton with NOTHING but dreams. No impressive work history, not enough money, no place to stay at… neither… brains for love and relationships! To make her idiosyncrasies even worse, she meets the beautiful, shrewd, principled — and — ‘super straight’ Jane Randall who becomes her roommate, self-proclaimed mentor, love guiding light, and… FANTASY!


Genre: Comedy/Drama/Romance/YA

Warning: Crude Humor/Language

Free Lesbian Fiction Online. The Gags of Egos.

Chapter Six

“Want a beer?” Jane says.

I sit at the kitchen table, creeping my mind back into all the challenging questions and the scary-but-true statements that she has blown at me. “No, thanks,” I say.

“Listen, Kaz.” She pops open a bottle of beer and takes a sip. “All I gotta say is enjoy your time with Serene, don’t make any promises, break down your priorities to her, and make sure you don’t do nor say something that would make her set all these high expectations from you.”

“But I’ve already said the words,” I say.

“Let me tell you what those words meant when they flew out of your mouth. Like, you’re craving for pizza, and so you instantly make a phone call for delivery. And once it gets to your hand, you say, ‘Damn, gotta love these darlings! Hmm! ’. Then you wriggle to have your first bite, you deliriously savor it, and once it runs down into your stomach, all of a sudden, you realize, your craving is gone, and you’re back to being you again… Or to whatever it was that you had to leave behind before the pizza mission.”

“You’re brainwashing me.”

“If I were to brainwash you, then tell me, what would be the most romantic thing that you would do for Serene first thing tomorrow morning?”

“I don’t think about these things, Jane. I’m a spontaneous ass.”

“When you’re really in love, you’d already know how to greet your partner’s morning and make her feel that she’s the most important person in your world.”

“Do I have to think of that every frickin’ morning?”

“You don’t have to. You just do it. You keep her excited everyday because you’re in love with her.”

“And so just because I’m spontaneous, and I don’t do stuff like that, I’m not in love with her at all.”

“Yes, you’re spontaneous. But not in love.”

“So you’re telling me that my heart is lying.”

“Your heart does not lie, Kaz. Your mouth does. Your heart was just overwhelmed by her romantic gesture, and so impulsively, your subconscious went berserk. Therefore, your subconscious told you to share the moment with her because it nudged up romantic points. Just like in the movies.”

“And what am I supposed to do with it then?”

“I’ve already told you what to do with it. Were you even listening to me?”

“You’ve told me about so many crazy things. My memory is having a hard time catching up.”

“And that’s the culprit between us. Your goddamn memory… Okay, forget about Serene for now. Are you gonna work for me or what?”

“How can we ever work together? We’re always bickering.”

“I’m always stuck in my office anyway, and I’d kill myself first if I see you serving those drunks again.”

“It’s still a goddamn job!”

“That’s right. It’s a goddamn job. And you don’t belong in that potty air at all, and you know it.”

“I’m finally widening my horizons here, and you’re still judging me.”

“You’re running away from your goods, and I’m taking you back.”

“I’m not letting you to. Hire someone else instead. Someone who knows every best-selling author of today.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning at 10.”

“You can’t make me.”

She puts the bottle of beer down on the counter and smiles at me. “Good night, Kaz.” And she disappears into her room.

“Good night… Jane…”

How can I ever tell you that my heart has been begging for you to be mine. Forever. I bet you would say my mouth is lying, huh?


She bounces out of her bedroom and stands in the kitchen hallway with an inquisitive look on her face. “Is she sleeping over tonight?”

“She might,” I say. “I don’t know. She said she’d see me later. Why?”

“Does that mean you’re sleeping with her for the first time anytime soon?” she demands an explanation.

“I… I might… Maybe…” I shrug my shoulders.

“Yes or no, Kaz.”

“I’m reevaluating my feelings, okay?”

“Well, you better hurry up with the reevaluation because you don’t have much time left anymore. If she sleeps over tonight, she’s definitely gonna expect you to make love to her by the time she plunges in bed with you.”

“What if I don’t feel like it though?”

“Then you’d disappoint the pretty girl.”

“Then she’d be mad at me.”

“Then you’d have to come up with a stupid vindication and make it up to her.”

“I don’t wanna go through all that. That’s like the ultimate definition of exhaustion. I should just go for the sex then.”

“If you don’t feel like it, then she’d know that for sure. Can you go one-way?”

“I can’t. Ugh. I am such a frickin’ lunatic!”

“Would you do me a favor?” She steps closer… in a pensive mood.

“Okay,” I say. “What is it?”

“Once you say those words next time, you better have faith in them first. Because if you don’t, then you’ve got betrayal kingdom sheltering you with its monsters, and THAT… goes hand in hand with karmic blows.”

“Have you ever fallen in love before? Like, really hard-core fallen-in-love kind of thing?”

“I got my heart broken twice. ‘Cause I didn’t respect love the way that it respected me. I took it for granted. I would say the words, but really, I did not honor them. I would always make myself believe that their hearts would never change, and that their love for me would never go away. But I was wrong. So then, I have come to a conclusion that love is like a mistletoe. Once two people find each other under it, they shouldn’t only kiss as a sign of love and friendship… they should stay on the same spot together. To hold each other’s hands. To keep each other closer. To fall in love endlessly. It sounds cheesy, but… it’s my mistletoe magic IMO, so…”

“Are you afraid to fall in love again?”

“You’re only afraid to fall in love if you’re not happy with your life.”

“Are you happy with your life?”

“Nope. That’s why I can’t fall in love because I’m not ready to commit yet.”

“You can’t. Or you just don’t want to.”

“I can’t. Because I’m opposing one sphere, which should be connected to the other one.”

“So then you don’t want to.”

“Kaz, it’s like attempting to fly a kite in the opposite direction of the wind.”

“You and your metaphors. Okay, yeah, I got it. How long has it been since?”

“Three years.”

“A long time. Do you miss them though?”

“I miss how they showed me what love to them was all about. I just wish I allowed myself to learn more.”

“Then you lied to me the first time.”

“About what?”

“You said you were not bitter. Single but not bitter.”

“I’m not bitter. ‘Cause I learned something about love from them. It was just too late for me to realize it.”

“Jane, I can’t hurt Serene.”

“I’m glad to hear that. But making her believe that you love her just as much is not worthy of the fuss either. You’re hurting yourself, you’re hurting her, and you’re hurting the integrity of love.”

“Can I ask you something?”


“Would you ever get married?”

“Of course, I would love to.”


“Yes. A girl and a boy.”

“And how do you envision your domestic life?”

“I see myself as a stay-at-home mom, running the household and everything, a loving and caring wife, curating an inspirational magazine online for women, and by the time the kids get older, I can mentor young adults and help them develop their creative flicks.”

“Jane, you’re extraordinary,” I say, whispering.

“All right. I’m heading to bed. See you in the morning.” And she ambles back into her room again.

I want to have that kind of life, too. Would you share it with me?

“Are you okay?” Serene wonders as she curls up in bed with me.

“I’m fine,” I say, sighing.

“You seem off since I got here.”

“Oh, just thinking of some stuff.”

“Like what?”

I pause for a moment, reflecting on my personal conversations with Jane. “I’m gonna be working for Jane now. I’m starting tomorrow.”

Serene pulls away, stupefied. “You’re quitting the bar?”

“I can’t handle two jobs, Serene,” I say. “I gotta start working on my book, y’know?”

“Did she intentionally show up there tonight to lure you back?”

“Well… it wasn’t exactly like that…”

“Kaz, I know her so well. What she’s been doing to you was exactly the same thing that she did to her sister. She would dictate her life, and they would constantly fight over it, until Jessie couldn’t stand it any longer, so she ran away with her girlfriend, and Jane hasn’t heard anything from her since.”

“What?” My transfixed squeal fills up the entire apartment. “So this whole time, she thinks of me as the little sister that she lost.”

“Yes!” Serene says. “I don’t want you to quit the bar because she asked you to. If you wanna make a decision, make sure that it’s out of your own free will, and it feels right for you.”

I have been wide awake all through the night. Serene’s revelation has crumbled my heart even though I know that Jane will always have the straight gods on her side. What the hell am I saying? I am with Serene, goddammit!


“Mornin’.” Jane pours herself a cup of coffee and joins me at the table. “Where’s Serene?”

I take a sip of my coffee, staring at her. “She left early.”

“Oh,” she says. “I heard her turning up last night. So did you guys do it?”

“Nope,” I say. “We talked. She told me about your sister, Jessie, though.”

“Really,” she says, still collected. “What did she say?”

“Am I Jessie to you?” I confront her.

“Kaz,” she laughs, “if you were Jessie to me, I wouldn’t bother pushing you to make something great out of your life, nor telling you about the mistletoe magic and what my domestic life would look like. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my sister to death. But she’s like a bullfighter… and a tame lamb at the same time. If she gets into trouble, I’m there for her, and then she forms these perceptions of me as the authoritarian bitch. And if I stay away, I’m the bad big sister. So where do I squeeze myself in? Nowhere. Until I’ve left her alone to man up, which still makes me as the most horrible big sister there is on the planet, so… absolutely not. Nope. You can’t be my Jessie, honey. Uh-uh.”

And what am I to you, Jane? I wanna know. But I’m afraid to ask though. Perhaps, in time, I will. Once courage hits me good.

“I think it feels right for me to work for you,” I say.

“Good.” She smiles.

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